If you have to explain ghosting to them, do not take their advice.

Photo by Magnet.me on Unsplash

I have been single for many years. I’ve lost count at this point, but if there is one thing I know, it is that you should NOT take advice from long-time couples.

“I thought dating apps make it easier to date?” my friend — who has been in a relationship since the first Obama administration — says to me.

The dating life for single people regularly changes exponentially, with the entire landscape, phrases, protocol, and apps morphing by the month. …


Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash

Around the whole world, people are isolating themselves.

Even though we always joke about wanting to cancel plans and stay home, never before have we so much wanted to stop watching Netflix in our pajamas and go out.

It can be hard to stay focused and productive. Here is a day in my life, and perhaps this can help you as well.

4:00 AM: Wake up.

I like getting up early because the world still feels quiet but also because I passed out at 7PM after a bottle of wine last night.

4:15 AM: Make coffee.

I like to grind…


Photo by Israel Andrade on Unsplash

Dear Office Workers,

We’ve missed you.

We know you’ve continued to work for us over the pandemic, and we know you’ve been able to easily (and even in some cases more effectively) work from home. However, the time has come for you to return.

We know the the overwhelming majority of you would like the option to keep working from home. We know many of you have enjoyed not having to commute everyday. We know many of you have loved having more time to spend with your loved ones. …


Photo by Alex on Unsplash

Have you ever bought a product that was advertised as 9 out of 10 dentists recommend?

And no, I’m not talking about vibrators. Not this time.

I’m talking about dental products like toothpaste, toothbrushes, and disinfectant spray that tastes great and keeps your mouth feeling fresh long after you die.

So why is there always one dentist who does not recommend the product that the other nine do?

Have you wondered who that one dentist could be?

Well, stop wondering. It hurts your brain to think.

I am that one dentist.

Okay, so I don’t have what some would call…


Photo by Hush Naidoo on Unsplash

Is there a doctor in the house?

This is the question I asked, but unfortunately, the response I received was, “I am the Doctor.”

This was misleading. I needed medical advice, but the “Doctor” proceeded to whip out a sonic screwdriver. It was not what I needed.

I did not need a time traveling alien with two hearts who could go anywhere and any time throughout the entire universe. I needed a doctor to examine my sprained ankle.

When the “Doctor” told me to simply schedule an appointment with a medical professional, I was disheartened.

The Doctor had lied to…


Photo by Stephanie LeBlanc on Unsplash

“Almost to the front of the line,” a man with a southern American accent said to the person standing behind him in a long line of people before the Pearly Gates of Heaven.

It was a longer line than usual that day, but then again, the year of 2020 was anything but usual.

However, the man looked delighted to be where he was. He had a great big smile beaming across his face, as he had found himself in an unexpected but preferred place.

“I can’t wait to get in,” the man said to the person behind him, who offered…


Photo by Anthony DELANOIX on Unsplash

Don’t plan for a fun concert at 7PM on a Saturday night. Be realistic.

The concert you want to attend in pre-Covid times always made you think, “Will I be able to stay awake for that?”

9:35PM on a Thursday night.

If you work from home, even better because you’ll still have the experience of working all day, grabbing a quick bite to eat as you get ready and then go drive around the neighborhood pretending you can’t find parking.

After you park, rush into your home and get a drink. Pour the cheapest beer or wine you have into…


Photo by Tingey Injury Law Firm on Unsplash

While the term “pro-life” may seem simple with an obvious definition, the term is in fact quite complicated, according to conservatives.

Yes, they love life and are in favor of it, but the term comes with an asterisk.

Therefore, if you want to be “pro-life”, it is best to learn what that really means.

Here is a handy breakdown of the lives that matter and the lives that do NOT matter to pro-lifers.

LIVES THAT MATTER

Unborn fetus

LIVES THAT DO NOT MATTER

Black lives

Trans lives

Gay people

People you think are gay but aren’t

Women

Children in cages


Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Covid-19 cases and deaths continue to alarmingly increase across America. The response of the majority of Americans, “Uh so?”

Most Americans agree that the death of your loved ones is perfectly fine.

While most show concern for their own friends and family, there is strong support in killing yours.

“Do I want my grandma to die from Covid-19?” asks one American. “No. But why would I care about your grandma? She’s never sent me a ten dollar Visa gift card for my birthday. Who cares if she dies?”

By an overwhelmingly majority, Americans show no remorse or concern about the…


Photo by Austin Schmid on Unsplash

What more could possibly happen in 2020?

Well, here are just a few other historical events to look forward to this year:

1. Florida Opens Dinosaur Theme Park

Florida Governor says the new dinosaur park features incredible science that brought back extinct creatures, but he assures us that it is perfectly safe.

“We are confident all safety measures have been tested. We will open, despite the pandemic and potential tropical storm that is forecast to hit the park on opening day. We don’t foresee any problems. Maybe just a light thunderstorm?” Governor DeSantis said, as he left the park in a hurry.

2. First “Murder By Cough” Committed by Karen

A white woman named…

Ryan Redmond

Humorist | Writer | Book Nerd | Currently drinking wine. Follow me on Twitter and Instagram @iamryanredmond | My books at https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B00APOZDNK

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